Don’t say I’m not flexible.  I can change it up with the best of them.  This morning, I actually tried to drink a Coke.  I got through half so was only half cranky when I left the room for the first session and managed not to nod off until the last 15 minutes.  Still no Mt. Dew on the horizon, but at the lunch for 1,200 today, they had four cans of Dr. Pepper.  I snatched two and put them in my bag - such a gift from the gods may not happen along again while I’m here.  The world is safe from an uncaffeinated me for two more days at least.

I find myself across the country outside of DC for a conference.  In a place near nothing.  Without a rental car.  And no Mountain Dew anywhere to be found.  Called the nanny to see if she’d ship me a 8-pack and an I.V. drip Fedex overnight priority.  Arggghhh.

I haven’t had much to say the past couple of weeks.  You know, love and stuff.  But, my Em had a paper to finish in order to get her Incomplete cleared so while she’s been away, she finished it and sent it to me to walk down the street to her English teacher who happens to live in the neighborhood.  Em wrote an essay about her best friend.  I was speaking to my mom today when the email came in and read her a brief passage to her that especially spoke to me and about our family:

We continued to talk to each other and I noticed that the kids in my class were whispering to each other. Because she seemed so weird, I was now weird also. However, I didn’t care because in my family being weird is normal and being normal is well, weird.

And, so odd that I found that strangely comforting.  I know she’ll be alright, no matter what.

As the year comes to a close, I find the need to reminisce, as I am want to do from time to time.  If you missed some of my favorite posts, I hope you have the opportunity to check them out. 

January found me dealing with the younger boy’s first “girlfriend.”  It didn’t last long, but it was my wake-up call.  Dammit, how did that happen so fast?  It was kind of surprising that not much happened this month.  But, I wrote anyway.  Kinda. 

The grey skies of February had me thinking about the past and the meandering path to being who I am becoming.  I did a series of essays called Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue and wonder now what happened to me being able to write like that.

In March, I quit my job and started a new one.  I started working at home and had to sell my beloved pool table.  It was a rough month all in all.  So much change.  Someone asked me to sum up my life in six words.

By April, I was so hot in bed, I couldn’t even stand myself.  I thought about my good luck in having such wonderful best friends.  My brush a long time ago with a psychic took a long time to make any sense as I imagined what my future might look like ten years from now.  I got to meet the inimitable CC, formerly of Coffee Counters.  April also brought my birthday tribute, A Boy’s Life, A Girl’s Life.  Oh, and just in case you forgot, Trojan is not a condiment.

May brought the first of my posts urging official support for gay marriage during the political season.  But, really, I was much more interested in Em’s insights into transracial adoption and the often misguided notion that race is not important.  I began to realize that despite my attempts to make it work, Magical Samantha’s reaction to Vacation Opposites was the second to the last nail in the relationship coffin.  I was sent to beautiful Huntington Beach, CA to buy scissors.  And, I had my brush with the law where my hormones saved me from doing hard time.  I examined my roots and no, not the ones on my head, they are nicely gray, thank you very much.  And, sometimes, shit happens.

My kidlings took a little trip giving me time to do some ritual cleansing – and just in time because a very scary creature had begun to morph from some forgotten food.  Uncle Doreen and I drove in the Sacramento Pride parade with a 6-foot Hitachi Magic Wand strapped to the roof.  I started co-writing an advice column at The Lesbian Lifestyle with some talented bloggers.  By the time June ended, I was single again and not dating and grateful for it.  That one wore me out.  Finally, I was able to put away a box for good.   I looked at how I could open myself to a better, stronger, more lasting relationship and as a result, I ran the first of my Our Stories interviews and was amazed at the layered beauty of our lives (scroll back to the first interview if you want to catch all of them).

Not ready to date yet in July, I did answer reader questions about my ideal dating situation.   I finally gave up buying again and rented a new house to get Em into the right school after losing all of my legal challenges with the school.  Shit, I hate moving.

August was back to school time and I got on my high horse about No Child Left Behind.  I also realized I’d moved in to Stepford, the California edition.  The big boy came for a visit and brightened all of our lives.  No campers allowed should I ever start dating again.  

It was getting close to time to jump back into the dating pool again, so I ran a contest for readers to write the best personal ad for me to place online.  I took a trip down memory lane which made it clear why I was not cut out for one night stands.  And, fuck those retailers who fuck with me.  I’m sick of it.  Really.

And, what a thrill to write a piece that sent me all kinds of ways emotionally.  Wow, I love words.

I spent the ENTIRE month of October obsessing, ranting, pleading, and raising money to keep 52% of the voting population from keeping 48% of the voting population from doing the right thing.  Not going to forgive, not going to forget.  If I find out you voted, gave money, or even thought Prop 8 was righteous, you are out of my life and wallet forever.

Despite our tragic loss of rights due to Prop 8 on November 4^th, we continue to live and love.  I attended my good friend Pat’s commitment ceremony to her partner and on the same day, attended the big protest at Arnold Schwarzenegger’s place of business.  My boy made his statement on civil rights.  I’d revel in Obama’s win, but right now, with the Rick Warren controversy still bubbling, I just can’t be so excited to even bring it all up.  And, don’t ever say that Em is not my child, okay?

In December, I found out that J-Man was so my son.   And, that I will never understand my family of origin, even though I love them to death.  The holiday season made the butch want to bake.  Finally, I fell in love.  Totally, head-over-heels, madly, sanely, delightfully in love.  Yup, I said it.  Even more stunning is that I did it. I’ll even let ya’ll make all the lesbians jokes you want!   How I wake up every single day and pinch myself I found someone who is so wonderful to me and gives me hope that an open heart shared with another can be the most wonderful thing in the world and it’s something I’ve waited 47 years for.   Me, in a place to receive it.   I can’t think of any better way to end the year and begin walking a path into my new year than with my Dangergirl.

If you aren’t here and want to be, let me know - again, unless you are a wingnut - and you know who you are.

Sacramento Stars

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